March 17th... Tonight is really my last obstacle. Tomorrow will be easy, simply because it will be my last free day to do what i want to do however, packing is what i want to do most of all. I really need to start getting things organized, or rather unorganized... On Saturday we're going to the ballet in the afternoon and then out to dinner after. On Sunday i'll sun in the afternoon and then sleep the evening away before the show as it'll be the last sleep i'll get until i tuck myself away in my own pink flowered canopy bed back home! Yay!
Sotico informed me last night that i need a picture before he can renew my tourist card. Then today he tells me he needs my birth certificate too. Think it'll all get done by Sunday? Nando has still shown no signs of working on my pants.
March 18th... I don't think i could ever do justice trying to explain the events that have happened or the feelings i've had today! It's been a terrible nightmare and i am so frightened and don't have the strength to do anything or even think about it anymore.
I started getting really paranoid last night when i couldn't find Sotico to give him my birth certificate. Then i realized that today would be the last day he'd have to fix my tourist card because the immigration office closes on the weekend. I was frantic looking for him and finally when they said I could reach him in the morning i went to bed. But didn't sleep a wink!
This morning the fun began!
I couldn't find him anywhere and I kept leaving messages at the desk asking for him but no one could help me or seemed to care one way or the other. I finally got someone to call his house to find that he'd gone to immigrations without my stuff. After a few hours of worrying and sitting out by the pool with this guy from Tourism i found out Sotico was home but couldn't get my card since i hadn't met him in the casino last night with my BC! I cried and ranted and raved and stormed over to his house only to have a totally uncommunicable conversation with a man who speaks only Spanish. He kept saying he'd do it on Monday and i kept screaming "I'm leaving Monday!" So then he gave me back all my stuff saying he couldn't do anything about it. It didn't help matters when Kathe kept saying that it was partially my fault for not giving him everything in the first place.
Finally, with total confidence, the guy i was with told me he'd take me to Domincana Airlines to meet a friend of his who could fix it. There wasn't a soul there who could help me but they said the Immigration Office was open until 4:00. It wasn't open. Then we went to American Airlines who said the office was open today from 4 - 5. Haven't heard the same story all day! Trusting American we walked to Lina's for lunch and for the first time all day i felt partially relaxed.
Back at Immigrations the man said he couldn't do it today, to come back tomorrow, in Spanish that is. Where am I... Oz?!!! The office isn't even open tomorrow... supposedly! I wanted to walk two blocks and take a publico for a quarter but he insisted on taking a cab. I paid. Then insinuated that *he wanted to sleep with me in return for lunch (a shitty hearts of lettuce salad)! *I don't even know his name after 7 hours!
Now I don't know whether to go tomorrow. Will I even be able to get it done or will it be just another wasted afternoon with as many frustrations as today? Kathe says they can do it at the airport. Everyone else says they can't. I gotta get out of here! I've never felt so trapped and crazy in my life!
March 19th... I nearly had a nervous breakdown yesterday. After i wrote i went hysterical and did everything but bang my head against the wall. I haven't cried that hard in months. Chalky saw my eyes all red and puffy and came in and sat on my bed and started rubbing my forehead like my mom used to do which almost made me cry more. I have to admit it was wonderful to feel that someone cared, even though i couldn't tell him the reason i was crying so i just mumbled something about my sister.
The show was hell. I felt so drained and it took everything in my power to smile on stage. I was like a zombie in the dressing room. Afterwards i got drunk! Beer after beer after beer. Then i had some huge dinner that i don't even remember eating. Ran into Tourism guy who hugged me and told me some bullshit plan about going to the airport to get my tour card fixed in the morning...
Got up this morning, hangover and all and went to Immigrations myself. I didn't have the slightest idea what was going on and i still don't. I sat for awhile getting very worried. Then they filled out some forms for me, stamped my papers and i paid the $10. Voila! They didn't speak a word of English but somehow i understood them enough to give them the info they needed. Then i met some American guys who drove me home. A very satisfying morning. It was too easy. Should i be worried?
~Later... The Ballet was fabulous! I felt as though i were on stage ~ but how awful to be close enough to touch and unable to join them. How did they get there? Where did i go wrong? That's what i started out to do. They're all so real up close after seeing such visions of perfection from the 5th circle of the State for so many years. But even that close they're all still perfect. They worked for it and look what they got! What an aborted style of dancing i'm doing, although i know i'm capable of much greater things. I want people to look at me the way i looked at those girls tonight. If only one person would look at me and feel those things i'd believe i had made it. It's all so beautiful and i just wish i were a part of it! It was the best time i've ever had at a ballet.
The next time i write i'll be packed and waiting to leave.
March 20th... I just can't do it! I was gonna sleep for a few hours since it'll be the last chance i get. I slept for two before the nerves in my stomach started twitching and i began tapping my foot. I'll have to try and sleep after the show if i possibly can but it'll be hard to be calm until Hector is safely on his way to his house in the country. All the girls are going too and i haven't as yet made up my excuse as to why i can't go.
It's very difficult to get ready to go and do it nonchalantly while there's a whole house full of people. I haven't figured out how i'm gonna do it yet, just hoping everyone will be asleep when i leave. I don't know if i'll run into Hector in the morning or what. I have to get paid and check out without letting it get back to him. Man this is stressful... like out of a movie! I have't decided whether i'm going to tell Marcos in the morning or leave him a note. I guess it depends on who's up at that hour. All I know is I'm gonna let out a big sigh of relief the moment i pull out of the Jaragua grounds. I can't believe i'm doing this! My bags are packed and i'm ready to go. Can't wait to do each number tonight and know it's the last time!
~Later... I can't believe it's actually here. I feel kind of sad in a way. Just because there are a few people i want to say goodbye to and can't. Things ran smoothly except after Hectors bus pulled away i went to the casino to get my money and the bus returned. I freaked! But there was no suspicion, somebody had just forgotten something. I feel so terribly sneaky i can't believe it. Nobody suspects a thing of what's going on behind this door. I think they've finally all gone to bed but the house has been full all night. No one even questioned why i decided to get up and wash my hair at 5 am! All i gotta do is write some notes, get dressed and leave. I can't believe i almost feel like crying right now and i can't even imagine what in the world for...